The Devil's Dictionary
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be
annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Evangelist, n., A bearer of good tidings,
particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own
salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.
Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as
distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other
faiths are based.
Religion, n: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to
Ignorance the Nature of the Unknowable.
Christian, n.: One who believes that the New
Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual
needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so
far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one
who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
"Ocean: A body of water occupying 2/3 of a world
made for man -- who has no gills."
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