Quotes from Ambrose Bierce



The Devil's Dictionary

Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.

Pray:  To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Evangelist, n.,  A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as  assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Religion, n: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the Nature of the Unknowable.

Christian, n.:  One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

"Ocean:  A body of water occupying 2/3 of a world made for man -- who has no gills."


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